FeEL Da LuV KiiiiDDD….2k12

So it’s Valentines day (or at least it was when I wrote this) and because I’m about as inventive as a spoon guess what this blog is about? That’s right, Love.
But it’s not really what it’s about.  It’s about me having to fill some space for a class, filling all of yer lovely heads with nonsense and having a choice few love-related things that I feel like word-vomiting about for a while.

I’m by no means a love guru, expert or know-it-all. My view point isn’t relevant or interesting. Christ, it’s not even right!
But it’s here, so read it, enjoy it, disagree with it and by all means comment on it (That last one particularly helps 😉 ). Here’s a few lovey-ish topics for ye all on Valentines. Feel the love ❤

(DISCLAIMER: I’m not as angry and alone as this blog makes me seem…Also I may not ACTUALLY believe half the crap I write but shur screw it it’s written now, and it’s much funnier if I’m a sensationalist :)…enjoy! 🙂 )

B3b0 Luv

Remember Bebo Luv?, Remember how it was spelled L-U-V to make it extra daycent? Remember BEBO!?

So what is Luv?

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Anyway…

For those of you who were never cool enough to experience the wonder of the “Add Luv” button, Luv was a little picture of a heart you could add to the top corner of comments you left on people’s Bebo accounts (the coolest social networking site ever…RIP)

This was it. The little heart in the corner of your comment that meant so much...Kinda sh*te in big isn't it?

Bebo luv was a phenomenon. When it started out as 1 luv a day people went mad for it! There was spam posts on people’s walls about it! Not in order to steal your information or even bank account details, no, it was all for Bebo Luv.

“Want to know how to see who has visited your page!? It’s simple! Just give me your Luv and I’ll send you the link!!!!!xXxX!!!!xX”

Now, I never did that so I have no idea if you were sent the link or not. Maybe the link robbed your money, who knows!? But the point is that guy wanted your Bebo Luv and he would rob ALL your info and spam ALL of your friends just to get it. Isn’t that kinda sweet?

When it was one luv a day though it wasn’t that simple. You really had to think about who got your luv for the day. That person had to mean something! They had to have done something Luv-worthy for you recently! They would want to be someone you fancied! They’d at least want to be someone you wanted the shift off! You weren’t just going to leave that little heart on anyone’s page. Future marriages were built on this sh*t! You gonna waste that on the friend that loaned you a euro for a bottle of coke!?

If you got Luv off that girl you liked (her only luv of the day), it was, in essence, a shift. You were in and you feckin’ knew it! (Unless you asked her for it, in which case she only gave it to you ’cause she’s not a b*itch…Yay! that girl you like isn’t a b*tch! :)…but she probably doesn’t like you…)

And then, of course, they went and dicked with it. The pressure of who to give your Luv to, the decisions to be made, the broken hearts of those who didn’t get today’s Luv, all those people whose hopes were built up Luv after Luv only to find she already had an other half on Bebo! (Crushing). It all got too much. So they eased up a little on the rules. You could have 3 Luvs a day. That gave you a lot more wiggle-room. Now euro-loaning bottle-of-Coke friend AND the person you fancied could get a Luv. Everyone’s happy.
It took away from the love significance too. Sure that girl just gave you a Luv but she also gave one to your best friend and the fake Bebo account set up for her dog. Not quite the same is it?

If you got all three of a person’s Luvs in one day though….wahow boyo!…Sorted.
It was only a matter of time before ye were other halves.

Once it went to three Luvs though Luv lost it’s touch. It didn’t quite mean the same anymore. For the first time you could piss around with Luv a little. Who cares who got the first one, you had two more.
It was all a numbers game then. Who had the most Luvs on their page is all that mattered. It didn’t matter where they came from or how you got them, as long as you got more Luv. It’s the start of a slippery slope in to slutdom.

Who wants my B3b0 LuV!? XxxXx (You wouldn't believe what I had to google to find this)

And look at it now-a-days…You can send little hearts whenever you want! I sent one in this post already. All I have to do is type <3.
Now we have unlimited Luv. I can send six to someone I don’t even know if I want to. Plaster them all over the page of the person I met last night if I want to be sure that I’ll never see them again. I can put them in Facebook chat, in posts and comments, in texts, in anything! And they all mean sweet-F-all. (Except the ones on the girl I met last night’s page. They could have an impact….why won’t she comment me back!?)

Ye’re all just a big bunch of Luv-hookers. Am I the only one longing for the days of 3 more meaningful Luvs a day?
Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I want to KNOW that if a girl sends me a little love heart in a message that I could get the shift.
It just makes things much simpler.

The Friend Zone

To continue with the love related theme, the place where many guys are spending this Valentines: The Friend Zone.
Personally, I think I can speak about this because I’m the freakin’ mayor of the friend zone. Well, I’m not that bad, but I’m at least an elected official on the friend-zone county council.

Now, first things first, this is a female concept. Guys don’t have one and if they tell you they do they learned it from girls.
That isn’t to say that guys don’t have female friends, they do, but being someones friend and being in the friend zone are not the same thing. You want to be friends with some one. NO ONE wants to be in the friend zone.

If he WANTS to be there then he's some creepy bollix...

Telling a guy you “just want to be friends” is not the easy let-down you think it is. It’s some kick in the emotional mebs.
It’s actually probably the worst let-down you could hand a guy short of a shotgun to the ribs and sneering “get out” through gritted teeth…or a bear clamp to the ACTUAL mebs.
Actually, it’s not even worse than the shotgun one. At least THEN the b*tch is crazy and you wouldn’t want anything further to do with her shotgun wielding ass in any case. Just stick with the bear trap nads image. That should do it.

"I just want to be frieeeennnndssssss! :)"

Now before anyone gets crazy I do understand that there are situations where people DO  just want to be friends. Just as I also understand that there are sometimes it’s NOT you and it IS me. But the legitimacy of these cases are seriously diluted by the number of people who use the “we should just be friends” line in place of “I find absolutely nothing at all remotely sexual about you. As far as I’m concerned you are completely asexual…like a brick…or a kettle”.
It’s even used by people you barely know. How could you possibly know that we would be better just staying friends? You’ve never been my friend. I only met you last night and left love hearts all over your Facebook page. Those mean nothing! I could be a knob as a friend you don’t know! LOOOVVEEEE MEEEEE!!!

(For the record…Not a good approach^ )

And while we’re on the topic here. Recently me and Kevin from Cork’s Hidden Wonders had a discussion-come-argument with Jennifer from Girl About Town regarding guys and girls and eventually we got to the point of why there are just no good men out there. Frankly we were all baffled. Why is it that all the guys around are just absolute mickeys of young-fellas?
Eventually we reached a conclusion…they’re not. There are guys out there who are genuinely nice. You can find one if you really want to. Just stop getting the shift off d*ckheads. Simples *Meerkat Noise*.

You know where most of the nice guys you’ve met so far are?
YOUR FRIEND ZONE!

Valentine’s Advertising

Piss off. I’m alone.

Couples

Not all couples. Just the really annoying ones. They are some pricks. Coming round here on valentines with their togetherness and joy. Screw ’em!

You know the ones who are constantly just on each other’s faces in front of you? Those ones. No one wants to see that happen and if they did you’d be really worried wouldn’t ya? So f*ck off!
Next time you do that I’m going to take out my binoculars and sit down with my box of popcorn just to prove a point. That’ll learn ya! (And I’ll get popcorn 🙂 )
I know you’re happy and well done to you, honestly. But I don’t need to know ALL the time.

We were just talking about happiness, joy and puppies....Emm...where's YOUR happiness, joy and puppies?

And then there’s the other ones. The ones who try to join in the Valentines misery of the rest of us. You’re not alone. You’re happy. Stop pretending you’re not just because now it’s cool to be sad. Let us have our moment without you pissing it up with your couple-y-ness!
Just take your happiness and enjoy it elsewhere.

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And for all of you who think your Valentines is failing…it’s 9 O’Clock on Valentines night and I’m writing a blog post for a class. Earlier, I was writing an essay. This is the saddest anyone’s Valentines could possibly be. Take solace in that fact.

HAPPY VALENTINES! ❤ ❤ ❤