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Reviews, thoughts, ramblings and so on…

The last blog post EVAR!!

So we have finally reached the end of the blog post assignment and I’d like to think we’ve all learned a few things along the way.
I, for one, have learned that blogging wouldn’t be all that bad if I just got to write things whenever I felt like it instead of immediately jumping to a state of “crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!” every time I see one of my class mates has posted a new blog entry. (Honestly, some of you post FAR too often and it scares me).

Now, I know it’s going to be emotional saying goodbye and all of your lives will have to return to the pitiful state of mediocrity they wallowed in before my shining beacon of bloggy light gleefully bounced straight in to your, blinding you with its brightness and bull. But fear not readers!…………..I’m not sure why, it just seems like the right thing to say. In reality ye’re all screwed. But so am I so it’s cool :).

As a final blog entry I’ve decided to compile a wee list of things I haven’t said yet just to get it all out there in a final bust of insanity before my mindless word-vomit is graded by our WONDERFUL LECTURER :)…Who, if I haven’t said already, is WONDERFUL!

So here goes…and the very besht ‘a luck t’ya!

A selection of things that really erk me

One Direction:
LOOK at them! Honestly!
Now I’m aware that there are now hordes [haha, like this blog reaches hordes!]  of teenage girls and a handful of creepy mid-twenties and even creepier Moms thinking…”Ya, LOOK at them!” right now but I’m not talking about their dashing handsomeness here (I am also aware that the creepy mid-twenties and even creepier Moms are also thinking “Most of them are legal like!” but seriously, that’s not even a valid argument, it’s just the height of creepery and that sentence only makes it worse).

One Direction

LOOK!....tools (and the one on the right has a model pose...In a onesie!)

My hatred may be fueled by my younger sisters irrational love of everything they do (and her desire to tell me about said everything) but I honestly just dislike these people, their style and their music. Now, sure if you want to give me THAT much money to jump around on stage singing songs about hot girls who think they’re ugly  and dress like I love myself then point me to the make up room and tighten my pants!. But I’m not getting paid loads of money, my pants remain comfortable and my disdain for them remains at large.

The youth of today:
(Hitches up pants, puts hard sweet in mouth and puts walking stick in wielding arm)
They’re just a bit crap aren’t they? They like One Direction, for example. They have filled the charts with auto-tune over-kill versions of what appears to be the same song by the same guy over and over again.
Also, there’s a show on MTV called ‘So Random’. And they watch it. And like it. What the….!?
It’s literally like MTV sat down and went “Em, what are all the kids saying these days?….Random!…They’re forever saying everything is random…we’ll call the show that!” and it worked. Despite nothing, at all, being random about anything!

smug man

We'll call it 'Random'. They'll love it.
Lololololol...stupid kids

The word Random:
If one more person says something like ‘Oh My God, I was in town yesterday and I saw John shopping. It was so random!’…

Oh really? You just happened to see someone you know wandering about the main commercial centre of your small city and he was SHOPPING!? The thing that people typically go to town to do!? Seriously!?…Excuse me while I vomit at just how random that was.

That’s just not random.
Random would be something like: “I was in town yesterday and fifteen 6 foot, yellow nickers were having a scrap on Patrick’s street…but anyway now I’m married.”….
Not “John was there”.

Knickers

I can't believe I actually found an image for giant yellow knickers...

Things that will wreck your head

The game:
Here are the rules of the game:
1) EVERYONE is playing the game.
2) If you think about the game, remember the game, remember that you’re playing the game or the game enters your head in ANY way…you lose the game.
3) All losses must be announced.
4)After a loss there is a ten minute grace period in which loss is impossible in order to allow you to forget about the game

Welcome to the game!…You’ve just lost the game.
Visit to learn…..I think: http://www.losethegame.com/

Lost

Starting to understand a bit more about lost?

These: 

Enjoy!

Things we believed when we were young:

If you stretched your mouth open at the sides, it would get stuck that way:
Seriously, when you think about it, having been told this did ANY of us ever wonder why we never saw one reported case of an adult walking around with a floppy stretched mouth?
There was flaws in the logic there somewhere.

Face

His mother tried to tell him...and now he can't get a job


And the same holds true of the ‘sitting too near the TV gives you square eyes’ think. I’ve never in my life seen someone with square eyes and, honestly, I think it would be kind of cool. Does it still work with flat screens?

Every new female recording artist used to be a man:
There are long lists of examples. Two that spring to mind immediately are Ciara and Shakira. We were convinced they used to be men! Searching for Adam’s apples in music videos.
The lyrics of Shakira’s songs were even changed to an apparently autobiographical:

“Whenever, wherever, I changed my name from Trevor.
Even though it seems quite queer, I was a man last year”.

Just another example of big money music producers stifling the creative genius of the artist, just because the truth was too raw for the public. Typical. Probably the same thing that’s holding One Direction back from releasing their version of “Smack my b**ch up”.

Shakira

Seriously look!...Adam's Apple!!!

Really!? We thought Ciara and Shakira used to be men….if they were men then plastic surgeons can channel the power of Jesus.

If your testicles touched each other…you would die:
Now, I’ve checked with a few people and no one but me seems to remember this being a rumour.
Maybe it was just in my particular group of now questionable friends but it was definitely circulating for a while there.
As we grew up though we began to become a bit more skeptical and the rumour was downgraded from death to instantaneous paralysis. Simple, it’s Science.

That would be a serious design flaw there wouldn’t it!? Are we really saying that the almighty wouldn’t spot a little fault like that when he was making man?
“Em, yep, I’ve created them exactly in my likeness….except their testicles can kill them. We’ll fix that for the next batch”.

Even if that are we saying that evolution wouldn’t have weened that little ticking time bomb out?
Survival of the fittest…but only once your bits don’t touch. Good luck with the survival there mankind!

Tom

Tom's junk just touched...

The End!

Well there it is. I’m done!
Sorry for all the crap I’ve made you read and please, tell your friends! 😛
In the meantime I will continue to try to saunter through life with the kind of graceful retardedness that’s gotten me so far.
Bye 🙂

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32 Responses to “The last blog post EVAR!!”

  1. Please don’t stop blogging! EVAR!!

  2. The best nights out are the random ones. Just a word that we will continue to use no matter the real meaning of it.

  3. You told me about that game back in first year…forgot about until NOW!Guess I lost the game…..Don’t stop blogging Mike. They’ve been very entertaining!

    Never knew you were a suck up either…I wonder does your WONDERFUL lecturer think you blogs are just as WONDERFUL as them!

    • Haha sorry! Ive spread that thing far and wide. Probably too much 😛
      Read the reply to lucy’s comment about my future blogging…you never know. Maybe some day 😛

      Haha, suck up? Dont know what you’re talking about 😛

  4. You made me loose the game!!! Nooooooooo!!!
    Also, I love the badger song!! Mushroom mushroom! A friend of mine actually has a save the badger campaign.. She’s very dedicated to the cause!

    • I hear they do wonderful work on the conservation and care of homeless badgers. Tell her I support the cause! We need more people to get on the badger awareness bandwagon.

  5. I hate one direction, but sometimes things can be very random. I thought it was random meeting shaquelle o neil at a cinema in boston is that random enough for u?

  6. I always say best nights out are random nights!! So funny how people always say it!!

  7. Lost the game

  8. Ah the happily annoying memories of the day i discovered that badger badger badger video

  9. Get post as always, Mike. You should really keep it up 🙂

  10. There was a lack of meerkats.

  11. So random Mike. Totes bbz. Nice humility at the start there, really captured my thoughts

  12. Great post! I agree with you on the random thing. But would you consider an upside down cow;stuck up a tree; random?!
    http://mobile.corkindependent.com/news/newslistitem/5923

  13. Also I have to join the unanimity: DON’T STOP BLOGGING EVA!!

  14. Or now that I think of it. Was sleeping on the floor of JFK airport, in a white shirt, with a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar Pillow, meeting Patrick Kavanagh who sent us from New York to Atlanta to fly to Detroit, all the while eating copious amounts of Buffalo Wings, not a tad random??! Great memories tho!!


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